A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The onlyquestion asked was:
Would you please give your honest opinion aboutsolutions to the food shortage in the rest of theworld?
The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn'tknow what 'food' meant, In India they didn't knowwhat 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what'opinion' meant, In the Middle East they didn't knowwhat 'solution' meant, In South America they didn'tknow what 'please' meant, And in the USA they didn'tknow what 'the rest of the world' meant!!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Satirical CAT - Part 2
Satire Part 2: Chat between 7 IIMs and a student on the final results getting delayed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(A Student desperate to find out whether he is selected to the IIMs lands at one of the Institutes of Excellence. He wanders around the campus and luckily finds all directors of the 6 instis sitting and discussing something seriously.. Student enters..)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers* apply.
Student (thanking his luck of meeting the 7 GODS together): Sir, Is the meeting going on over here related to the results which you have not yet declared?
(Student starts reciting the following in his mind: Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu.. with the 'You don't meet Gods just like that' attitude}
IIM ABCLIK (in chorus) : Meeting? What meeting? We are chatting Beta.. Chatting is different. Meeting is different.
Student (wondering, with a tinge of frustration): How Sirs?
IIM A (Seriously): When we are chatting, we will all sit together in a big circle and start discussing about life in general. When we are in a meeting, we all meet and discuss.
IIM C (in a laid back tone to IIMA): Arey "A". Get a life yaar.. (and Smirks..)
(Guffaws all around.. IIM C starts explaining to student)
IIM C (Student listens intently): Beta.. The difference is this. When we are chatting we don't order biscuits, tea etc. We don't have note pads. We don't sit in a big oval desk in a nice AC room. All this are available in a meeting. However, whether we are chatting or in a meeting, we discuss the same stuff. Attrition rates among profs, who is going around with whom, the gossips and related stuff..
(Student, who has attempted CAT right from 6th standard and has finally got calls after 17 attempts, is not planning to give up now )
Student (disturbed, but again earnestly): Sir, But results.
IIM L (seriously): Are yaar. Newspaper ko dekho na. This generation of students na.. Yesterday Rajasthan Royals won by 6 wickets. Poor Punjab XI. Bahut aacha match tha beta.. Oh kaun thaa.. 76 runs liya..
IIM I (to him, again earnestly): Shane Warne, Shane Warne..
IIM K (Irritatingly) : Nahin yaar.. Shane Watson.
IIM L : Haan... Oh Shane watson.. Kitna achha batting tha.. (and was going to start discussing on his shots and how he played)
Student (interupts hurriedly ): Sir, Oh results nahin. I am not talking about cricket. I am asking about the IIM results for PGP 2008-10 batch.
IIM B (with the corporate honcho look): We don't comment on unnecessary speculation in the media.
(Proudly straightens his chest after making that intelligent speech. Cheers all round.)
Student (Innocently , once again): No Sir. Not media speculation. We spoke yesterday with your admissions committee junta. They told us results must be out any time.
(Happy with the smart answer he gave now , which he rarely gave during those personal interviews to questions ranging from Yield curve in India to Chanakya's Arthashashtra )
IIM B: What did they say? (with the same cunning smile as the smart Prof in IIMA PI who knew more about Electrical machines than us)
Student (earnestly): "That the results must be out any time."
IIM B (with the smart 'lawyer'ish attitude ): Exactly. I think he did not complete the statement fully. The result must be out "any time", Which means any time WE WISH. It can be today. It can be tomorrow. It can also be next week. It could have been last week. It can be anytime.. (And starts making a tune out of this..)
Student (again interrupting): But Sir. At IIM L, they told us that it would be out in a day or 2 and they have been saying the same thing for 3 days.
(Additional Info: Student got 99.79%ile in DI & LR. 'Hence' pretty strong with the 'logical reasoning' stuff )
IIM L (gets up from his afternoon nap knowing that his insti is being singled out and accused) : We don't have the habit of telling different things on different days, unlike some other esteemed instis (a hidden smirk..). We have a strong stand on this. We tell the same thing everyday.
(Doubly happy with the fact that he used the old 8th standard joke (which was rusting) and at the same time took a dig at his colleagues..
Student (now getting a bit angry): But Sir. This is not fair. There are so many students who are calling up and getting totally different info from each IIM. K is telling you will get it in 2 weeks, L is telling 2 minutes beta like maggi noodles ad and B is yet to receive the directive since they stopped postal service because they were in Silicon Valley. A, as usual, speaks for everyone else ........ (starts off rambling, the GD genes of his takes over..)
IIM A (V V seriously): See. This is done by the CAT committee.
Student : When was that set-up ?
IIM A: 2 minutes back. When you started asking me uninteresting questions.
(Silence for 2 minutes. Then a Huge uproar follows.. Student is in tears..)
(Meanwhile Student overhears IIM K whispering to IIM I: Yeh 'CAT committee' kya hai.. but chooses to ignore that piece lest his Blood pressure go up)
Student: Sir. Please tell (pleading). When are results coming out?
IIM B (out of sheer practice): We are yet to receive the HRD directive. The moment we receive it, result must be... (IIM K stops him telling that was the old reason! IIM B smiles sheepishly to the stern look from others)
IIM Shillong (in a fatherly way, much to the dismal of others): I can understand your concern child. But, to tell the truth, we just received the HRD directive and are going through it in detail.
Student (with happiness of finding his new found mentor): Oh. Thats great Sir. What are you going through in that now?
IIM S: About the salary hike for profs. You did not read that. The 200% hike. (Other profs stare at the new dude who was silent till now. IIM S gives the look of "I thought we were discussing about salaries" look and also the "I thought I made a good point in the GD after 15 minutes" look )
Student faints and falls flat on the ground... The student is admitted to the hospital and was finally heard muttering "results.. results.." before putting the oxygen breather upon him.. (Profs start discussing about the sweet Mrs. Robertza they met at the conference at Russia..)
*Standard Disclaimers (Seriously):
1. Any Instis name between ABCLIK can be replaced with any other. The alphabet out of the 6 which followed after "IIM" was random. IIM S was intentional.
2. Don't look at conversation logically. I did not intend to give it a logic.
3. I have great respect for the IIMs.
4. I also strongly believe "having great respect" does not mean "should not criticize". Both are independent events.
5. Discount Grammar mistakes.
Note to Loyalists:
Please don't post telling "IIMs work under so many constraints.. and the standard Yada Yada Darmashya...". Many here understand that. I also agree to that. But still I disagree to the way things are being done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(A Student desperate to find out whether he is selected to the IIMs lands at one of the Institutes of Excellence. He wanders around the campus and luckily finds all directors of the 6 instis sitting and discussing something seriously.. Student enters..)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers* apply.
Student (thanking his luck of meeting the 7 GODS together): Sir, Is the meeting going on over here related to the results which you have not yet declared?
(Student starts reciting the following in his mind: Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu.. with the 'You don't meet Gods just like that' attitude}
IIM ABCLIK (in chorus) : Meeting? What meeting? We are chatting Beta.. Chatting is different. Meeting is different.
Student (wondering, with a tinge of frustration): How Sirs?
IIM A (Seriously): When we are chatting, we will all sit together in a big circle and start discussing about life in general. When we are in a meeting, we all meet and discuss.
IIM C (in a laid back tone to IIMA): Arey "A". Get a life yaar.. (and Smirks..)
(Guffaws all around.. IIM C starts explaining to student)
IIM C (Student listens intently): Beta.. The difference is this. When we are chatting we don't order biscuits, tea etc. We don't have note pads. We don't sit in a big oval desk in a nice AC room. All this are available in a meeting. However, whether we are chatting or in a meeting, we discuss the same stuff. Attrition rates among profs, who is going around with whom, the gossips and related stuff..
(Student, who has attempted CAT right from 6th standard and has finally got calls after 17 attempts, is not planning to give up now )
Student (disturbed, but again earnestly): Sir, But results.
IIM L (seriously): Are yaar. Newspaper ko dekho na. This generation of students na.. Yesterday Rajasthan Royals won by 6 wickets. Poor Punjab XI. Bahut aacha match tha beta.. Oh kaun thaa.. 76 runs liya..
IIM I (to him, again earnestly): Shane Warne, Shane Warne..
IIM K (Irritatingly) : Nahin yaar.. Shane Watson.
IIM L : Haan... Oh Shane watson.. Kitna achha batting tha.. (and was going to start discussing on his shots and how he played)
Student (interupts hurriedly ): Sir, Oh results nahin. I am not talking about cricket. I am asking about the IIM results for PGP 2008-10 batch.
IIM B (with the corporate honcho look): We don't comment on unnecessary speculation in the media.
(Proudly straightens his chest after making that intelligent speech. Cheers all round.)
Student (Innocently , once again): No Sir. Not media speculation. We spoke yesterday with your admissions committee junta. They told us results must be out any time.
(Happy with the smart answer he gave now , which he rarely gave during those personal interviews to questions ranging from Yield curve in India to Chanakya's Arthashashtra )
IIM B: What did they say? (with the same cunning smile as the smart Prof in IIMA PI who knew more about Electrical machines than us)
Student (earnestly): "That the results must be out any time."
IIM B (with the smart 'lawyer'ish attitude ): Exactly. I think he did not complete the statement fully. The result must be out "any time", Which means any time WE WISH. It can be today. It can be tomorrow. It can also be next week. It could have been last week. It can be anytime.. (And starts making a tune out of this..)
Student (again interrupting): But Sir. At IIM L, they told us that it would be out in a day or 2 and they have been saying the same thing for 3 days.
(Additional Info: Student got 99.79%ile in DI & LR. 'Hence' pretty strong with the 'logical reasoning' stuff )
IIM L (gets up from his afternoon nap knowing that his insti is being singled out and accused) : We don't have the habit of telling different things on different days, unlike some other esteemed instis (a hidden smirk..). We have a strong stand on this. We tell the same thing everyday.
(Doubly happy with the fact that he used the old 8th standard joke (which was rusting) and at the same time took a dig at his colleagues..
Student (now getting a bit angry): But Sir. This is not fair. There are so many students who are calling up and getting totally different info from each IIM. K is telling you will get it in 2 weeks, L is telling 2 minutes beta like maggi noodles ad and B is yet to receive the directive since they stopped postal service because they were in Silicon Valley. A, as usual, speaks for everyone else ........ (starts off rambling, the GD genes of his takes over..)
IIM A (V V seriously): See. This is done by the CAT committee.
Student : When was that set-up ?
IIM A: 2 minutes back. When you started asking me uninteresting questions.
(Silence for 2 minutes. Then a Huge uproar follows.. Student is in tears..)
(Meanwhile Student overhears IIM K whispering to IIM I: Yeh 'CAT committee' kya hai.. but chooses to ignore that piece lest his Blood pressure go up)
Student: Sir. Please tell (pleading). When are results coming out?
IIM B (out of sheer practice): We are yet to receive the HRD directive. The moment we receive it, result must be... (IIM K stops him telling that was the old reason! IIM B smiles sheepishly to the stern look from others)
IIM Shillong (in a fatherly way, much to the dismal of others): I can understand your concern child. But, to tell the truth, we just received the HRD directive and are going through it in detail.
Student (with happiness of finding his new found mentor): Oh. Thats great Sir. What are you going through in that now?
IIM S: About the salary hike for profs. You did not read that. The 200% hike. (Other profs stare at the new dude who was silent till now. IIM S gives the look of "I thought we were discussing about salaries" look and also the "I thought I made a good point in the GD after 15 minutes" look )
Student faints and falls flat on the ground... The student is admitted to the hospital and was finally heard muttering "results.. results.." before putting the oxygen breather upon him.. (Profs start discussing about the sweet Mrs. Robertza they met at the conference at Russia..)
*Standard Disclaimers (Seriously):
1. Any Instis name between ABCLIK can be replaced with any other. The alphabet out of the 6 which followed after "IIM" was random. IIM S was intentional.
2. Don't look at conversation logically. I did not intend to give it a logic.
3. I have great respect for the IIMs.
4. I also strongly believe "having great respect" does not mean "should not criticize". Both are independent events.
5. Discount Grammar mistakes.
Note to Loyalists:
Please don't post telling "IIMs work under so many constraints.. and the standard Yada Yada Darmashya...". Many here understand that. I also agree to that. But still I disagree to the way things are being done.
Satirical CAT..................
Chat between two serious IIM aspirants and the elusive CAT/IIMs (Satire)
----------------------------------------------------------------
My own creation when I was in a lighter mood.
All those who got calls, dont read this. You may not enjoy it.
Obviously this must be read in a lighter vein.
Chat between two serious CAT aspirants and the elusive CAT/IIMs
Student 1 : Dear Sir. I have got 99.33, 99.72 in 2 sections and a 99.84 overall, but only 95.32 in the other section . Can i get a call, Dear CAT, from IIMA.
CAT/IIMA : What????, IIMA Call?. Dont you see you are not competent enough to cope up with the rigorous 2 year course we conduct here. Had you scored 0.02 %ile more you could have proved yourself to be competent enough to pursure a course and joined the ranks of MS Banga and Harsha Bogle. With a poor 95.32%ile in one section, All i can tell you is plz study more.
Student 1 : Sir, How about the chances from IIMB.
CAT/IIMB : Ha ha ha ha ha.. IIMB.. ha ha ha.. (Gearing up itself somehow to answer the question).. Fine.. I will anyway try to answer your question.. I need a few more details to answer your question anyway.. like..
1) What is your Date of Birth. It must fall between May 14th and Dec22nd. Else doubtful. Lets see. There are some rare cases who get thru with some lineancy in that. Anyway. Best of Luck on that.
2) 10th scores and the State you did it from and also, whether you have scored more than 83.11 % in that
3) 12th scores and the State you did it from and also, whether you have scored more than 86.76 % in that
4) Work-ex. Just the number of months would do fine. You need not tell whether you did it Microsoft, Google or Kandasamy mudaliar Textile mill at chittoor.. It does not matter much. We need diversity, you know. We also dont like differentiating between people based on illogical data like this.
5) CAT %ile. Now, wait. This is thr trickiest part. We are still awaiting the results from Las Vegas Casinos were our profs are playing. They are yet to finish the game. Prof X (who has a bet on keeping VA cut-off at 88.32%ile) is losing badly. He needs to improve on his casino skills. Prof Y is winning the game. He had pegged it at 96.32%ile. lets see.. Last year Prof Z won hands down with a 85%ile in DI. A few bugging students sneaked into our institute thru that. Lets see how many more get lucky this year. But lemme say guys, Its fun. Casinos are fun. The above rules are very well applicable for other IIMs too, though some lineancy maybe allowed.
Student 1: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Somehow composing himself to ask the next question)
Student 1: But Sir, almost none of these can be changed by me now. I dont have any control over it at this stage of my life.
CAT : Obviously. You cant change. And thats what we love the most. You have absolutely no control over your destiny. We control it. You heard it right? Anyway.. We do have a backdoor entry. If you score 99.95+ in all three sections and a 99.98+ overall, you may be exempted from all this. But again, its a "maybe". So please dont have high hopes. Lets see.
Student 2: Sir, I have scored 99.81 overall and a 99.96 in quants, 99.14 in verbal but a 78.17 in DI coz of a bad day. I have received no calls from none of the IIMs till now. But I have good work-ex, can very well think logically and am suited to do an MBA from the top IIMs. I can obviously handle the rigour.
CAT : ROTFL.. My God! a 78.17 in DI.. Do these profs release these types of below average percentiles too. Yuck! I never knew anyone can get a 78.17 in DI. pretty surprising. And were you talking about calls from the IIMs. First you need to explain to them what a 78.17 means.
Student 2: But sir a 99.96 in quants and a 99.81 overall and a 99.14 in VA. Does that not look attractive enough to study at IIMs ABCLI?
CAT : Sorry.. I could not hear properly.. What did you tell your score was in DI?
Student 2 (losing his cool ): WTF. WTF do you want to know. I got a f'in 78.17 in DI and finally all you buggers decided I am incompetent to think logically. You decide that since I could not crack one more set in DI, I am not fit for management. Blah Blah Blah..
CAT : Beta.. Tension mat le.. See. I will let you out one trade secret. We ourselves are pretty confused in how to eliminate people. Its a nice game with us and the computer. We keep changing one variable or the other till the calls for each instis touches the required number. In fact how to predict the right nos so that we can give results in 3 weeks itself is now a casestudy at IIMA.
Student 2 (stammering to ask the next question) : But sir.. You will be losing out on lots of good students coz of this.
CAT : So?
Student 2: "So?".. What question was that? I told, you will be losing out on a few deserving students, some who may have got 97%ile or 95%ile overall but for whom an MBA would suit much well in their career goals.
CAT : Career goals..? What is that. I never knew our guys here talk about that. We know numbers. Talk numbers to us. and only numbers. Nothing else matters. And better if the nos are higher.
Stdeunt 1 : Ok. Lets talk Numbers. You have given calls to some students with overall 97.5 %ile too but not someone with a 99.75%ile. How does it work.
CAT : Oh, You guys figured it out huh.. These youngsters are smart nowadays. Anyway, promise you wont tell it to anyone.
Student 1: Promise Sir.
CAT : I believe you. When we were working seriously on Dec 30th, that bugging programmer had boozed a bit. Instead of typing 98.75%ile, he typed 97.5%ile in the computer program and some buggers may have sneaked in. Dont worry. We will take care of them in the interview.
Student 1: But sir,He may actually be a good candidate.
CAT : How can he be a good candidate. He got 97.5%ile overall.
Student 2 (butting in ): Oh Man:bad-word:! Did dhirubhai score a 99.5, did lakshmi nivas mittal score a 99.5.. did..
CAT : Stop, Stop.. Why should they score.. We dont create people like them. We create people who can work for them.
Student 1: Sir. We are speechless. Anyway.. We have a question and a suggestion. question first. How come IIM A/B/C have called a candidate who may have 97+ sectionals and 99+ overall but not IIM L/I/K.
CAT : Hmmm.. Thats a very good question. What happened was these 3 IIMs wanted to show to the outside world that they are unique. Hence they chose a different casino this time and played a different game amongst themselves. Mebbe cut-off changed coz of that. And what Suggestion? We dont like suggestions.
Student 1: Plz listen once.
CAT : We listening to others. He he.. Proceed.
Student 1 : Why cant you select people the way International B SChools do by finding out more about the personal characteristics of the student so that you can find whether he is better suited for management rather than just depending on nos.
CAT : Personal characteristics.. You mean height, weight, hip size etc..? We were thinking about it in 1997 but..
Student 2 : No No.. (In horror and controlling his temper).. We mean his aptitude do to management, his potential, his passion, his career goals, how an MBA from IIM will help him.. etc. In those lines..
CAT : Are you serious. We cant read the applications of 191,000 buggers. then we have to conduct CAT'07 for batch 2012. You are absolutely illogical. No wonder you scored a below average percentile in logical reasoning. Ha ha ha.
Student 2: (You #$^%^%*& ). You somehow got the point though not exactly. conducting CAT'07 for CAT'12 batch. We advice CAT to be designed in the lines of GMAT which has 5 years validity and is standardized.
CAT : OMG! That means our annual profs trip to Las vegas will be cancelled. I dont think they will agree to your suggestion. And what is the crap about 5 year validity. How can the intelligence of a person not change in 5 years. We believe it will change every year, in fact every week also if CAT is conducted so often.
Student 2: CAT is supposed to test Aptitude and not intelligence and aptitude will not change much in 5 years. It will benefit the student community immensely since they can give CAT in the final year, concentrate on their careers and then join MBA after 3-4 years after understanding business and corporate life. They can also concentrate on extra curriculaars etc. Because of CAT, the career of many people is jeopardized and none of the serious working CAT takers know what Extracurriculars is.
CAT : Agreed. But what about the Las vegas trip?
Student 1 and 2: Fainted.
CAT (gets a phone call) : Are Bhatta bhai. kahan hai tu.. Still playing at the casinos? You guys have real fun time.. So who won the game and whats the cut-off for QA this year.. What.. 89.11 ile huh.. Who won the game.. Ok.. Visit the miami beach.. (and he walks off speaking)
Cheers,
Sudeep
----------------------------------------------------------------
My own creation when I was in a lighter mood.
All those who got calls, dont read this. You may not enjoy it.
Obviously this must be read in a lighter vein.
Chat between two serious CAT aspirants and the elusive CAT/IIMs
Student 1 : Dear Sir. I have got 99.33, 99.72 in 2 sections and a 99.84 overall, but only 95.32 in the other section . Can i get a call, Dear CAT, from IIMA.
CAT/IIMA : What????, IIMA Call?. Dont you see you are not competent enough to cope up with the rigorous 2 year course we conduct here. Had you scored 0.02 %ile more you could have proved yourself to be competent enough to pursure a course and joined the ranks of MS Banga and Harsha Bogle. With a poor 95.32%ile in one section, All i can tell you is plz study more.
Student 1 : Sir, How about the chances from IIMB.
CAT/IIMB : Ha ha ha ha ha.. IIMB.. ha ha ha.. (Gearing up itself somehow to answer the question).. Fine.. I will anyway try to answer your question.. I need a few more details to answer your question anyway.. like..
1) What is your Date of Birth. It must fall between May 14th and Dec22nd. Else doubtful. Lets see. There are some rare cases who get thru with some lineancy in that. Anyway. Best of Luck on that.
2) 10th scores and the State you did it from and also, whether you have scored more than 83.11 % in that
3) 12th scores and the State you did it from and also, whether you have scored more than 86.76 % in that
4) Work-ex. Just the number of months would do fine. You need not tell whether you did it Microsoft, Google or Kandasamy mudaliar Textile mill at chittoor.. It does not matter much. We need diversity, you know. We also dont like differentiating between people based on illogical data like this.
5) CAT %ile. Now, wait. This is thr trickiest part. We are still awaiting the results from Las Vegas Casinos were our profs are playing. They are yet to finish the game. Prof X (who has a bet on keeping VA cut-off at 88.32%ile) is losing badly. He needs to improve on his casino skills. Prof Y is winning the game. He had pegged it at 96.32%ile. lets see.. Last year Prof Z won hands down with a 85%ile in DI. A few bugging students sneaked into our institute thru that. Lets see how many more get lucky this year. But lemme say guys, Its fun. Casinos are fun. The above rules are very well applicable for other IIMs too, though some lineancy maybe allowed.
Student 1: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Somehow composing himself to ask the next question)
Student 1: But Sir, almost none of these can be changed by me now. I dont have any control over it at this stage of my life.
CAT : Obviously. You cant change. And thats what we love the most. You have absolutely no control over your destiny. We control it. You heard it right? Anyway.. We do have a backdoor entry. If you score 99.95+ in all three sections and a 99.98+ overall, you may be exempted from all this. But again, its a "maybe". So please dont have high hopes. Lets see.
Student 2: Sir, I have scored 99.81 overall and a 99.96 in quants, 99.14 in verbal but a 78.17 in DI coz of a bad day. I have received no calls from none of the IIMs till now. But I have good work-ex, can very well think logically and am suited to do an MBA from the top IIMs. I can obviously handle the rigour.
CAT : ROTFL.. My God! a 78.17 in DI.. Do these profs release these types of below average percentiles too. Yuck! I never knew anyone can get a 78.17 in DI. pretty surprising. And were you talking about calls from the IIMs. First you need to explain to them what a 78.17 means.
Student 2: But sir a 99.96 in quants and a 99.81 overall and a 99.14 in VA. Does that not look attractive enough to study at IIMs ABCLI?
CAT : Sorry.. I could not hear properly.. What did you tell your score was in DI?
Student 2 (losing his cool ): WTF. WTF do you want to know. I got a f'in 78.17 in DI and finally all you buggers decided I am incompetent to think logically. You decide that since I could not crack one more set in DI, I am not fit for management. Blah Blah Blah..
CAT : Beta.. Tension mat le.. See. I will let you out one trade secret. We ourselves are pretty confused in how to eliminate people. Its a nice game with us and the computer. We keep changing one variable or the other till the calls for each instis touches the required number. In fact how to predict the right nos so that we can give results in 3 weeks itself is now a casestudy at IIMA.
Student 2 (stammering to ask the next question) : But sir.. You will be losing out on lots of good students coz of this.
CAT : So?
Student 2: "So?".. What question was that? I told, you will be losing out on a few deserving students, some who may have got 97%ile or 95%ile overall but for whom an MBA would suit much well in their career goals.
CAT : Career goals..? What is that. I never knew our guys here talk about that. We know numbers. Talk numbers to us. and only numbers. Nothing else matters. And better if the nos are higher.
Stdeunt 1 : Ok. Lets talk Numbers. You have given calls to some students with overall 97.5 %ile too but not someone with a 99.75%ile. How does it work.
CAT : Oh, You guys figured it out huh.. These youngsters are smart nowadays. Anyway, promise you wont tell it to anyone.
Student 1: Promise Sir.
CAT : I believe you. When we were working seriously on Dec 30th, that bugging programmer had boozed a bit. Instead of typing 98.75%ile, he typed 97.5%ile in the computer program and some buggers may have sneaked in. Dont worry. We will take care of them in the interview.
Student 1: But sir,He may actually be a good candidate.
CAT : How can he be a good candidate. He got 97.5%ile overall.
Student 2 (butting in ): Oh Man:bad-word:! Did dhirubhai score a 99.5, did lakshmi nivas mittal score a 99.5.. did..
CAT : Stop, Stop.. Why should they score.. We dont create people like them. We create people who can work for them.
Student 1: Sir. We are speechless. Anyway.. We have a question and a suggestion. question first. How come IIM A/B/C have called a candidate who may have 97+ sectionals and 99+ overall but not IIM L/I/K.
CAT : Hmmm.. Thats a very good question. What happened was these 3 IIMs wanted to show to the outside world that they are unique. Hence they chose a different casino this time and played a different game amongst themselves. Mebbe cut-off changed coz of that. And what Suggestion? We dont like suggestions.
Student 1: Plz listen once.
CAT : We listening to others. He he.. Proceed.
Student 1 : Why cant you select people the way International B SChools do by finding out more about the personal characteristics of the student so that you can find whether he is better suited for management rather than just depending on nos.
CAT : Personal characteristics.. You mean height, weight, hip size etc..? We were thinking about it in 1997 but..
Student 2 : No No.. (In horror and controlling his temper).. We mean his aptitude do to management, his potential, his passion, his career goals, how an MBA from IIM will help him.. etc. In those lines..
CAT : Are you serious. We cant read the applications of 191,000 buggers. then we have to conduct CAT'07 for batch 2012. You are absolutely illogical. No wonder you scored a below average percentile in logical reasoning. Ha ha ha.
Student 2: (You #$^%^%*& ). You somehow got the point though not exactly. conducting CAT'07 for CAT'12 batch. We advice CAT to be designed in the lines of GMAT which has 5 years validity and is standardized.
CAT : OMG! That means our annual profs trip to Las vegas will be cancelled. I dont think they will agree to your suggestion. And what is the crap about 5 year validity. How can the intelligence of a person not change in 5 years. We believe it will change every year, in fact every week also if CAT is conducted so often.
Student 2: CAT is supposed to test Aptitude and not intelligence and aptitude will not change much in 5 years. It will benefit the student community immensely since they can give CAT in the final year, concentrate on their careers and then join MBA after 3-4 years after understanding business and corporate life. They can also concentrate on extra curriculaars etc. Because of CAT, the career of many people is jeopardized and none of the serious working CAT takers know what Extracurriculars is.
CAT : Agreed. But what about the Las vegas trip?
Student 1 and 2: Fainted.
CAT (gets a phone call) : Are Bhatta bhai. kahan hai tu.. Still playing at the casinos? You guys have real fun time.. So who won the game and whats the cut-off for QA this year.. What.. 89.11 ile huh.. Who won the game.. Ok.. Visit the miami beach.. (and he walks off speaking)
Cheers,
Sudeep
Friday, March 21, 2008
Indian Reality!!!!
Ant & Grasshopper The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
Indian Version
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance). Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath '. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services. The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'. Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '. CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden ' Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly . Many years later... The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley . 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country !!!
It's time to wake up and start doing something in this matter otherwise it will be too late......
Indian Version
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance). Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath '. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services. The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV. Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'. Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '. CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden ' Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly . Many years later... The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley . 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country !!!
It's time to wake up and start doing something in this matter otherwise it will be too late......
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Nice Story..
A great note for all to read it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man wasallowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain thefluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room 's only window. Theother man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, theirjobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, hewould pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he couldsee outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of theworld outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played onthe water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked armin arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skylinecould be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man onthe other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn 't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptivewords.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only tofind the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take thebody away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be movednext to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and aftermaking sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his firstlook at the real world outside.He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can' t buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present.Enjoy it.Live life to the fullest."
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man wasallowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain thefluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room 's only window. Theother man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, theirjobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, hewould pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he couldsee outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of theworld outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played onthe water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked armin arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skylinecould be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man onthe other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn 't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptivewords.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only tofind the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take thebody away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be movednext to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and aftermaking sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his firstlook at the real world outside.He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can' t buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present.Enjoy it.Live life to the fullest."
Safe Holi.................
Let's all pledge to generate awareness about the various harmful effects around Holi Celebrations and celebrate an Eco-Friendly Holi this year. Here's how we can do so.....
ECO-FRIENDLY HOLI
Harmful Effects of Chemical Colors In earlier times, when festival celebrations were not so much commercialized, Holi colors were prepared from the flowers of trees that blossomed during spring, such as the Indian Coral Tree (Parijat) and the Flame of the Forest (Palash), both of which have bright red flowers. These and several other blossoms provided the raw material from which the brilliant shades of Holi colors were made. Most of these trees also had medicinal properties and Holi colors prepared from them were actually beneficial to the skin.
Over the years, with the disappearance of trees in urban areas and greater stress for higher profits these natural colors came to be replaced by industrial dyes manufactured through chemical processes. Around 2001, two environmental groups based in Delhi, did a study on all the three available categories of colors available in the market — pastes, dry colors and water colors. The study revealed that all of these three forms of chemical Holi colors are hazardous.
Harmful Chemicals in Holi Colors According to their researched fact sheet on Holi, the paste and powder colors contain very toxic chemicals that can have severe health effects. Danger of Wet Holi Colors Wet colors, mostly, use Gentian violet as a color concentrate which can cause skin discoloration and dermatitis.
The Holi Bonfire Burning of fuel wood to create the bonfire for Holika Dahan presents another serious environmental problem. Many groups are now advocating one symbolic community fire, rather than several smaller bonfires across the city as a way to reduce wood consumption. Others are also suggesting that these fires be lit using waste material rather than wood.
Holi Safety Tips Some Tips & Suggestions to make our Holi Safe & Joyous:
The best option would be to play with natural homemade colors. Our skin and hair will feel pampered with the use of skin friendly natural products. If natural colors are not possible, then ensure a better quality of colors. Buy colors from a reputed shop or vendor. Make sure that the face is well creamed before and after the play. Apply thick coating of nail paint on the nails - both fingers and toes so that they remain protected. Oil the hair well so that the color doesn’t stick on your hair and can be washed off easily later. If you are prone to skin allergies, avoid playing with Gulal altogether. Going to a dermatologist (skin specialist) serves no purpose, after the damage is done.
Natural Homemade Colors:
1) Mix Turmeric powder in water to get bright yellow color water or use turmeric powder as dry yellow color powder.
2) Mix Neel (used for whitening clothes) with talcum powder to get blue color powder Mix powdered Rakta Chandan in water to get red color water.
3) Mix Turmeric powder and Katha to get orange color water.
4) Mix Mehendi powder in water & strain it to get orange color water.
5) Soak Palash Flowers (called Flame of the Forest Flowers) overnight in water to get bright red color water.
6) Boil Beetroot in water to get bright red color water.
7) Boil Palak leaves in water to get bright green color water.
8) Soak Rose/Kewra flowers in water to get colorless but fragrant water
ECO-FRIENDLY HOLI
Harmful Effects of Chemical Colors In earlier times, when festival celebrations were not so much commercialized, Holi colors were prepared from the flowers of trees that blossomed during spring, such as the Indian Coral Tree (Parijat) and the Flame of the Forest (Palash), both of which have bright red flowers. These and several other blossoms provided the raw material from which the brilliant shades of Holi colors were made. Most of these trees also had medicinal properties and Holi colors prepared from them were actually beneficial to the skin.
Over the years, with the disappearance of trees in urban areas and greater stress for higher profits these natural colors came to be replaced by industrial dyes manufactured through chemical processes. Around 2001, two environmental groups based in Delhi, did a study on all the three available categories of colors available in the market — pastes, dry colors and water colors. The study revealed that all of these three forms of chemical Holi colors are hazardous.
Harmful Chemicals in Holi Colors According to their researched fact sheet on Holi, the paste and powder colors contain very toxic chemicals that can have severe health effects. Danger of Wet Holi Colors Wet colors, mostly, use Gentian violet as a color concentrate which can cause skin discoloration and dermatitis.
The Holi Bonfire Burning of fuel wood to create the bonfire for Holika Dahan presents another serious environmental problem. Many groups are now advocating one symbolic community fire, rather than several smaller bonfires across the city as a way to reduce wood consumption. Others are also suggesting that these fires be lit using waste material rather than wood.
Holi Safety Tips Some Tips & Suggestions to make our Holi Safe & Joyous:
The best option would be to play with natural homemade colors. Our skin and hair will feel pampered with the use of skin friendly natural products. If natural colors are not possible, then ensure a better quality of colors. Buy colors from a reputed shop or vendor. Make sure that the face is well creamed before and after the play. Apply thick coating of nail paint on the nails - both fingers and toes so that they remain protected. Oil the hair well so that the color doesn’t stick on your hair and can be washed off easily later. If you are prone to skin allergies, avoid playing with Gulal altogether. Going to a dermatologist (skin specialist) serves no purpose, after the damage is done.
Natural Homemade Colors:
1) Mix Turmeric powder in water to get bright yellow color water or use turmeric powder as dry yellow color powder.
2) Mix Neel (used for whitening clothes) with talcum powder to get blue color powder Mix powdered Rakta Chandan in water to get red color water.
3) Mix Turmeric powder and Katha to get orange color water.
4) Mix Mehendi powder in water & strain it to get orange color water.
5) Soak Palash Flowers (called Flame of the Forest Flowers) overnight in water to get bright red color water.
6) Boil Beetroot in water to get bright red color water.
7) Boil Palak leaves in water to get bright green color water.
8) Soak Rose/Kewra flowers in water to get colorless but fragrant water
Let There be Light...
HIV Knowledge
Its good to be well informed about HIV. There was a story on junk somedays back where it is said that a boy got infected by HIV virus byeating pani-puri. And there have also been rumors where people are affected by the HIV virus when they got pricked by an HIV infected needle in theaters which is rubbish.So read along!
I have seen this below mentioned mail floating across group email & I feel its my moral responsibility to correct all misconceptionsregarding HIV /AIDS.I asked my friend mayank who is serving as Brand Manager (Product Manager) handling anti HIV/AIDS portfolio (called asAntiretroviral Drugs) in Ranbaxy to help me to spread awareness about aids and clear the misconceptions about it.This what he has to say.
1) HIV (virus) requires ONLY Blood or Semen as medium to transmit from one body to another.
2) HIV cannot transmit even through Saliva(mucous) i.e . even if HIV-infected patient coughs or smooches and another person is exposedto his sputum (cough) or saliva, the virus still can not transmit because concentration of virus particles in sputum is almost NIL & exposure to air anyway kills virus in fraction of seconds.
3) In case an HIV-infected person gets an injury (like the cut in below mentioned story) and he is bleeding, the virus can transmit toanother person only if another person has a cut/wound in his body & that too when blood from both person comes in contact with each other (this is also very very rare unless bleeding is very high) and not otherwise.
4) HIV can never survive in any other liquid medium also other than blood or semen (& please for God sake ... never in Pani Puri wala pani).
5) Even if one drinks an HIV infected blood (or semen) of someone (ingest through Gastro Intestinal track), the virus can not survive intheacidic pH of stomach. Highest extent of acidity is 0 (practically not possible) so imagine 1 as pH which is in our stomach. (This pH can burn your own finger in less than a second if you dip in that acid).
6) Exposure of less than 1 second in AIR KILLS the HIV virus( hence story of needle pricks in Cinema theatres is a crap). Even if bloodfrom a wound (of infected person) dries up (blood clot), the virus dies and can not infect anyone else.
7) HIV transmission is ONLY an INFECTION i.e.entrance of virus in one's body. It DOES NOT MEAN AIDS.
8) An HIV-infected person (after entrance of virus) can progress to a condition of AIDS only after 8 to 10 YEARS (not in 15 days as in thePani Puri story).
9) It is not HIV (virus) that kills a human.....the virus attacks immune cells (cells that fight against foreign pathogens/antigens) andhence a person's ability to fight against infections & diseases slowly diminishes and person ultimately dies of a disease which could be assimple as TB.
10) Most importantly, HIV is no longer a dreadful disease ... it is "*CHRONIC MANAGEABLE DISEASE*" just like Diabetes or Hypertension.
11) If there is anything you need to be careful from to prevent HIV is Unsafe sex, Blood transfusion (check before taking) /Blood donation(use sterilized needles only) and any blood contact during an accident or so where amount of bleeding is very high.
PLZ O PLZ spread this message to avoid rumors and to educate people
Its good to be well informed about HIV. There was a story on junk somedays back where it is said that a boy got infected by HIV virus byeating pani-puri. And there have also been rumors where people are affected by the HIV virus when they got pricked by an HIV infected needle in theaters which is rubbish.So read along!
I have seen this below mentioned mail floating across group email & I feel its my moral responsibility to correct all misconceptionsregarding HIV /AIDS.I asked my friend mayank who is serving as Brand Manager (Product Manager) handling anti HIV/AIDS portfolio (called asAntiretroviral Drugs) in Ranbaxy to help me to spread awareness about aids and clear the misconceptions about it.This what he has to say.
1) HIV (virus) requires ONLY Blood or Semen as medium to transmit from one body to another.
2) HIV cannot transmit even through Saliva(mucous) i.e . even if HIV-infected patient coughs or smooches and another person is exposedto his sputum (cough) or saliva, the virus still can not transmit because concentration of virus particles in sputum is almost NIL & exposure to air anyway kills virus in fraction of seconds.
3) In case an HIV-infected person gets an injury (like the cut in below mentioned story) and he is bleeding, the virus can transmit toanother person only if another person has a cut/wound in his body & that too when blood from both person comes in contact with each other (this is also very very rare unless bleeding is very high) and not otherwise.
4) HIV can never survive in any other liquid medium also other than blood or semen (& please for God sake ... never in Pani Puri wala pani).
5) Even if one drinks an HIV infected blood (or semen) of someone (ingest through Gastro Intestinal track), the virus can not survive intheacidic pH of stomach. Highest extent of acidity is 0 (practically not possible) so imagine 1 as pH which is in our stomach. (This pH can burn your own finger in less than a second if you dip in that acid).
6) Exposure of less than 1 second in AIR KILLS the HIV virus( hence story of needle pricks in Cinema theatres is a crap). Even if bloodfrom a wound (of infected person) dries up (blood clot), the virus dies and can not infect anyone else.
7) HIV transmission is ONLY an INFECTION i.e.entrance of virus in one's body. It DOES NOT MEAN AIDS.
8) An HIV-infected person (after entrance of virus) can progress to a condition of AIDS only after 8 to 10 YEARS (not in 15 days as in thePani Puri story).
9) It is not HIV (virus) that kills a human.....the virus attacks immune cells (cells that fight against foreign pathogens/antigens) andhence a person's ability to fight against infections & diseases slowly diminishes and person ultimately dies of a disease which could be assimple as TB.
10) Most importantly, HIV is no longer a dreadful disease ... it is "*CHRONIC MANAGEABLE DISEASE*" just like Diabetes or Hypertension.
11) If there is anything you need to be careful from to prevent HIV is Unsafe sex, Blood transfusion (check before taking) /Blood donation(use sterilized needles only) and any blood contact during an accident or so where amount of bleeding is very high.
PLZ O PLZ spread this message to avoid rumors and to educate people
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