Satire Part 2: Chat between 7 IIMs and a student on the final results getting delayed
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(A Student desperate to find out whether he is selected to the IIMs lands at one of the Institutes of Excellence. He wanders around the campus and luckily finds all directors of the 6 instis sitting and discussing something seriously.. Student enters..)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers* apply.
Student (thanking his luck of meeting the 7 GODS together): Sir, Is the meeting going on over here related to the results which you have not yet declared?
(Student starts reciting the following in his mind: Guru Brahma, Guru Vishnu.. with the 'You don't meet Gods just like that' attitude}
IIM ABCLIK (in chorus) : Meeting? What meeting? We are chatting Beta.. Chatting is different. Meeting is different.
Student (wondering, with a tinge of frustration): How Sirs?
IIM A (Seriously): When we are chatting, we will all sit together in a big circle and start discussing about life in general. When we are in a meeting, we all meet and discuss.
IIM C (in a laid back tone to IIMA): Arey "A". Get a life yaar.. (and Smirks..)
(Guffaws all around.. IIM C starts explaining to student)
IIM C (Student listens intently): Beta.. The difference is this. When we are chatting we don't order biscuits, tea etc. We don't have note pads. We don't sit in a big oval desk in a nice AC room. All this are available in a meeting. However, whether we are chatting or in a meeting, we discuss the same stuff. Attrition rates among profs, who is going around with whom, the gossips and related stuff..
(Student, who has attempted CAT right from 6th standard and has finally got calls after 17 attempts, is not planning to give up now )
Student (disturbed, but again earnestly): Sir, But results.
IIM L (seriously): Are yaar. Newspaper ko dekho na. This generation of students na.. Yesterday Rajasthan Royals won by 6 wickets. Poor Punjab XI. Bahut aacha match tha beta.. Oh kaun thaa.. 76 runs liya..
IIM I (to him, again earnestly): Shane Warne, Shane Warne..
IIM K (Irritatingly) : Nahin yaar.. Shane Watson.
IIM L : Haan... Oh Shane watson.. Kitna achha batting tha.. (and was going to start discussing on his shots and how he played)
Student (interupts hurriedly ): Sir, Oh results nahin. I am not talking about cricket. I am asking about the IIM results for PGP 2008-10 batch.
IIM B (with the corporate honcho look): We don't comment on unnecessary speculation in the media.
(Proudly straightens his chest after making that intelligent speech. Cheers all round.)
Student (Innocently , once again): No Sir. Not media speculation. We spoke yesterday with your admissions committee junta. They told us results must be out any time.
(Happy with the smart answer he gave now , which he rarely gave during those personal interviews to questions ranging from Yield curve in India to Chanakya's Arthashashtra )
IIM B: What did they say? (with the same cunning smile as the smart Prof in IIMA PI who knew more about Electrical machines than us)
Student (earnestly): "That the results must be out any time."
IIM B (with the smart 'lawyer'ish attitude ): Exactly. I think he did not complete the statement fully. The result must be out "any time", Which means any time WE WISH. It can be today. It can be tomorrow. It can also be next week. It could have been last week. It can be anytime.. (And starts making a tune out of this..)
Student (again interrupting): But Sir. At IIM L, they told us that it would be out in a day or 2 and they have been saying the same thing for 3 days.
(Additional Info: Student got 99.79%ile in DI & LR. 'Hence' pretty strong with the 'logical reasoning' stuff )
IIM L (gets up from his afternoon nap knowing that his insti is being singled out and accused) : We don't have the habit of telling different things on different days, unlike some other esteemed instis (a hidden smirk..). We have a strong stand on this. We tell the same thing everyday.
(Doubly happy with the fact that he used the old 8th standard joke (which was rusting) and at the same time took a dig at his colleagues..
Student (now getting a bit angry): But Sir. This is not fair. There are so many students who are calling up and getting totally different info from each IIM. K is telling you will get it in 2 weeks, L is telling 2 minutes beta like maggi noodles ad and B is yet to receive the directive since they stopped postal service because they were in Silicon Valley. A, as usual, speaks for everyone else ........ (starts off rambling, the GD genes of his takes over..)
IIM A (V V seriously): See. This is done by the CAT committee.
Student : When was that set-up ?
IIM A: 2 minutes back. When you started asking me uninteresting questions.
(Silence for 2 minutes. Then a Huge uproar follows.. Student is in tears..)
(Meanwhile Student overhears IIM K whispering to IIM I: Yeh 'CAT committee' kya hai.. but chooses to ignore that piece lest his Blood pressure go up)
Student: Sir. Please tell (pleading). When are results coming out?
IIM B (out of sheer practice): We are yet to receive the HRD directive. The moment we receive it, result must be... (IIM K stops him telling that was the old reason! IIM B smiles sheepishly to the stern look from others)
IIM Shillong (in a fatherly way, much to the dismal of others): I can understand your concern child. But, to tell the truth, we just received the HRD directive and are going through it in detail.
Student (with happiness of finding his new found mentor): Oh. Thats great Sir. What are you going through in that now?
IIM S: About the salary hike for profs. You did not read that. The 200% hike. (Other profs stare at the new dude who was silent till now. IIM S gives the look of "I thought we were discussing about salaries" look and also the "I thought I made a good point in the GD after 15 minutes" look )
Student faints and falls flat on the ground... The student is admitted to the hospital and was finally heard muttering "results.. results.." before putting the oxygen breather upon him.. (Profs start discussing about the sweet Mrs. Robertza they met at the conference at Russia..)
*Standard Disclaimers (Seriously):
1. Any Instis name between ABCLIK can be replaced with any other. The alphabet out of the 6 which followed after "IIM" was random. IIM S was intentional.
2. Don't look at conversation logically. I did not intend to give it a logic.
3. I have great respect for the IIMs.
4. I also strongly believe "having great respect" does not mean "should not criticize". Both are independent events.
5. Discount Grammar mistakes.
Note to Loyalists:
Please don't post telling "IIMs work under so many constraints.. and the standard Yada Yada Darmashya...". Many here understand that. I also agree to that. But still I disagree to the way things are being done.
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